Ladies, today we're going to talk about the Self-Pitying GeekTM. You will meet a lot of guys in your LARP career, and while not every single one of them is going to fall into a category or type, there are enough that will, to be able to identify them and get the hell out of the way. Which you should definitely do.
The SPG is a nice enough guy. He'll help you carry your stuff from your car to your cabin and back. When you wake up in the morning and it's cold, he'll offer to run to the kitchen to get your coffee and breakfast. In fact, this guy will become so obliging, the temptation to constantly and totally take advantage of his servile nature will become almost irresistible. DON'T. Before you know it, The SPG will be your shadow, hanging on your every word and gesture. And suddenly, every thing you say will have special meaning to him, which he will have to ask you about, because he could be reading your signals wrong, but he hopes it means that you really want to let him into your pants. In the meantime, he will continue skulking around, doing stuff to try to win you over (although he will never say that, he's just being "nice") and looking like a dog that you might want to kick. (Not that I condone kicking dogs at all, as I don't. Kicking people I leave to the kicker's individual conscience.)
The SPGs of the world (consciously or not) phrase things to play on your senses of empathy and guilt, either hinting or stating outright that you should go out with them because they're nice fellas who get screwed over by girls all the time. (Now bear in mind, this kind of guy, The SPG is a different breed from The Nice GuyTM. The Nice GuyTM is a whole different headache, of a more dangerous variety, and will be addressed in a future post. Also, my definition of the Nice GuyTM is different from Sweet Machine's.) It might come across as kind of cute, and you might actually feel bad for the guy. Ladies: Don't be a sucker for this jerk. Being emotionally manipulative is obnoxious. Being emotionally manipulative to get into someone's pants, guilt someone into dating you, making you feel like a bad person because you don't want to date them for whatever personal reasons you have, and being aware of and then constantly pressing your personal boundaries is vile. You will find yourself feeling a need to tell this guy repeatedly that you have a significant other with whom you are very happily involved, and you will find yourself growing weary of the tired and pathetic sigh that inevitably follows: "Oh, I know...I didn't mean anything by that..." You will decide that you would have at least more respect for the guy if he would just grow a spine and declare his intentions flat-out than shilly-shallying around like this, even if you would never have any desire to get involved with him.
You are not a bad person for wanting to date or not date anyone. Don't be afraid to be firm, and don't be afraid to be less-than-sunny or nice about this if someone is saying things that make you feel guilty or bad.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment