Raggedy-Ass Monday

I suppose this term could most aptly be applied to the Monday after a weekend game.  When you have to drag your ass in to work, all dehydrated and sleep-deprived, you've still got some kind of dust-snot way up in your sinus cavity, and all the sugar scrub in the world is still not enough to get that grit out of your pores.  And you just know there is no way you're going to the gym later, because damnit, you got in a week's worth of exercise over the past two days, and your legs just aren't going to move another unnecessary step until at least Wednesday.

Personally, I apply the "raggedy-ass Monday" term to nearly every Monday.  Seriously, what Monday isn't a little raggedy?

Monster Manual: The Self-Pitying Geek(TM)

Ladies, today we're going to talk about the Self-Pitying GeekTM.  You will meet a lot of guys in your LARP career, and while not every single one of them is going to fall into a category or type, there are enough that will, to be able to identify them and get the hell out of the way.  Which you should definitely do.

The SPG is a nice enough guy.  He'll help you carry your stuff from your car to your cabin and back.  When you wake up in the morning and it's cold, he'll offer to run to the kitchen to get your coffee and breakfast.  In fact, this guy will become so obliging, the temptation to constantly and totally take advantage of his servile nature will become almost irresistible.  DON'T.  Before you know it, The SPG will be your shadow, hanging on your every word and gesture.  And suddenly, every thing you say will have special meaning to him, which he will have to ask you about, because he could be reading your signals wrong, but he hopes it means that you really want to let him into your pants.  In the meantime, he will continue skulking around, doing stuff to try to win you over (although he will never say that, he's just being "nice") and looking like a dog that you might want to kick.  (Not that I condone kicking dogs at all, as I don't.  Kicking people I leave to the kicker's individual conscience.)

The SPGs of the world (consciously or not) phrase things to play on your senses of empathy and guilt, either hinting or stating outright that you should go out with them because they're nice fellas who get screwed over by girls all the time. (Now bear in mind, this kind of guy, The SPG is a different breed from The Nice GuyTM. The Nice GuyTM is a whole different headache, of a more dangerous variety, and will be addressed in a future post. Also, my definition of the Nice GuyTM is different from Sweet Machine's.) It might come across as kind of cute, and you might actually feel bad for the guy.  Ladies: Don't be a sucker for this jerk. Being emotionally manipulative is obnoxious. Being emotionally manipulative to get into someone's pants, guilt someone into dating you, making you feel like a bad person because you don't want to date them for whatever personal reasons you have, and being aware of and then constantly pressing your personal boundaries is vile.  You will find yourself feeling a need to tell this guy repeatedly that you have a significant other with whom you are very happily involved, and you will find yourself growing weary of the tired and pathetic sigh that inevitably follows: "Oh, I know...I didn't mean anything by that..."  You will decide that you would have at least more respect for the guy if he would just grow a spine and declare his intentions flat-out than shilly-shallying around like this, even if you would never have any desire to get involved with him.

You are not a bad person for wanting to date or not date anyone.  Don't be afraid to be firm, and don't be afraid to be less-than-sunny or nice about this if someone is saying things that make you feel guilty or bad.

Dip me in Tiger Balm and throw me to the massage table.

The warm-season camp that my current game favors (Hickory Run in PA, if you must know) is pretty popular with the NJ-PA LARP crowd.  It's spacious, woodsy, and from what I hear, pretty reasonably priced.  However, it is also hilly as all get-out, and even though this past event was three days ago, my legs, knees and ankles are still killing me.  I know most if that is the product of three things: age, weight, and general inactivity every other day of the year.  Only two things on that list are anything I can do something about, and I'm adapting both IG and OOG to find some kind of comfortable balance with those.  Let's face it, LARPing is a physically demanding activity, unless you seriously only want to sit in a corner all weekend, doing nothing much and getting beat on LOTS.  Even the most sedentary character is going to get some run-to-escape time in, and unless you keep a pot strapped to your butt (which incidentally I do not in anyway suggest or condone), you're going to have to walk to the bathroom.  In my case, the building where my bed is doesn't have a kitchen, so if I want to eat hot food, it have to hoof it to the kitchens.  If I did nothing else but get through the basics of my day, I'd still be sore on Monday.  (Probably not still sore today though.)

Feminist Moment, or why "Skullcrusher Mountain" really isn't all that funny.

I am not a hardcore feminist, but I do have a healthy dose of self-respect as a woman. While I sometimes disagree with the points and arguments put forth in Kate Harding's Shapely Prose, the women there are usually on the ball and are often much more articulate about stating things that make me so pissed off I can't form a coherent thought, let alone write a readable post. I strongly recommend the two recent-ish posts, "Guest Blogger Starling: Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced" and the slightly earlier post, "Would it kill you to be civil?"

Why do I think you should read these? Firstly, because Guest Blogger Starling's post is one of the most balanced, sensible, non-judgemental and well-written pieces I've read that explains to guys why a lot of women are a little jumpy at best when being approached by strange men. In my experience, men and women tend to think differently and apporach social situations differently. Now, factor in that a good 75-80% of LARP guys are pretty socially awkward on some level (and I'm being generous here), and while I believe that the majority of them are not necessarily dangerous and do not have any kind of malicious intent, they can still come off as kind of annoying, creepy, or scary, all without meaning to. They're just that clueless and/or awkward. Although I rather wish that the author gave the sources for her statistics, they are fairly sobering but not the most extreme I've ever heard, and at the very least it'll give you some good ammo for explaining to that ardent but unnerving suitor why stalking you through the woods OOG is really not going to be his best approach to getting a date with you.

Secondly, the second post hits a bit closer to the mark. Now, I know you've all met these guys: they're nice enough; maybe not the best looking but not grossly deformed; ranging in conversational skills from being tolerable to talk to, to really comfortable and fun to be around, most of the time. every now and then however, they say something that makes you feel a little odd--a little sad, a little guilty, a lot of uncomfortable. They're the ones that will drop the odd self-pitying statement at slightly weird points in conversation. The second post I listed explains the Self-Pitying GeekTM's lament in more feminist terms than I would generally adhere to, but you'll get the gist of it.

The Self-Pitying GeekTM and the Nice GuyTM will both be featured in posts of their own in the future.

A couple quick pieces of general advice

Ladies! Do not lock your keys in the car. Especially if your purse, which contains your cell phone and your spare keys, is also in the car, and you can't remember the phone numbers of anyone you might call to come and get you, because hey, they're all programmed into your cell, and your cell is locked in the car. I speak from (recent) experience.

Also, it is much harder than you'd think it would be to find tiki torch fuel in the Northeast US in mid-October. Seriously.

Beyond the costume and the toothbrush: What you need in your bag

Toothbrush, toothpaste, extra feminine products, deodorant, a brush, your costume and your makeup all go without saying. Here's a few extra things you might not have thought of, but will wonder how you got by without once yo do start packing them.

1. A travel-sized sewing kit that has extra buttons and safety pins.
2. Pantyliners. Because you never know when you're going to be able to get in to change your underwear, or lord love you, get a shower in. These go a long way in preventing swampcrotch. (Mind you, they are NOT a substitute for actual clean knickers or a shower, by any means. They just help spread out the necessary time.)
3. A small first-aid kit. Aside from the obvious usefulness, band-aids can be stuck over a ragged nail to prevent chewing or further tearing, and gauze can be used as a white headband in a real pinch.
4. Lip balm. I prefer plain old Burt's Bees--it does the job, and it helps your breath smell a little better.
5. Chocolate-covered coffee beans. 3am mods lose a little of their sting after noshing on one or two of these.
6. Cough drops.
7. Foot powder. You can get the fancy shit from LUSH, or you can get the store-brand baby powder, I don't care. The rest of you might smell like peonies in June, but your feet smell gross. A little rub with the powder not only helps the smell, it helps keep the tootsies feeling good and dry, and not so athlete's foot-y.
8. Flip-flops. Because you don't want to know what's on the floor when you're trying to get to the bathroom in the dark.
9. Bottled water, crackers, and granola bars. Feeling a little sick/funny? I bet you can't remember the last time you ate or drank something. Always have something on hand for a nibble and a swig.
10. Tylenol PM. I know everyone likes to try to sleep lightly at game, but sometimes, honey, you just gotta give your body some rest. This stuff does wonders for nudging you over the edge into La-La Land, for easing those aches and pains that suddenly hit you as you're finally, finally lying down, and for not making you feel like a pile of lukewarm vomit in the morning.

Have any other suggestions? What do you pack that you totally cannot live without? Post in the comments!

This is how it is.

I'm a 13+ year vet of the LARP world, and as such, I'm pretty sure that qualifies me to dispense a piece of advice or two to the other larpladies out there. As any woman in a largely male-dominated field of recreation (and battle) will agree, we gals often find ourselves faced with a unique set of problems, situations, and people that would be a lot easier to maneuver around if we had a little knowledge beforehand--but all too often, that knowledge is hard to come by. This blog is intended to be a source of advice, humor, and a point of camraderie for all the girls out there who pick up the sword and the spell packet, move beyond the chainmail bikini (seriously, does anyone really wear those things?), and actually want to make a character that does something.

This is not a promotion for any particular game (although I will probably mention the game that I do play from time to time, in the course of narrative), nor is it a bash site for any particular game (although I will have plenty to say about various points of contention for various games, cause I'm opinionated like that, and I think people should have a good idea of what they're getting into, besides what is presented on flashy, shiny websites with photo galleries full of gorgeous, perfectly costumed and made-up people. Because seriously, if every game was as good as its webpage, I wouldn't have a free weekend available for the rest of my life.)

Go ahead and leave a comment or send an email if you have a tricky question or a funny story or, y'know, whatever.

That said, GAME ON!